As I promised, I would like to recap some of my points and give some reflection on some aspects of dating as it pertains to Sr. Highers.

First off, there are a number of myths that we choose to believe in this realm: )we won’t get connected at all )he/she really loves me in high school (even high school sweethearts would laugh at their own understanding of love as they reflect on the beginning of their relationship) )pornography, etc doesn’t hurt anyone, so it is okay or )my thought life is my business and it doesn’t hurt anyone either. The truth is, Jesus died and rose from the grave, creating a new reality, a new kingdom, a new way for those that put their trust in Him. We are free, and have the choice now to live like it. We are not free by our choices, but by Him and Him alone – we can now live in that freedom, however, and choose to serve the new king. Sure, we will be seen as weird and likely made fun of for our sacrifices. I promise you, though, you will never regret these sacrifices as you follow Him in freedom!

Consequently, if Jesus paid it all, we must deal with some dating issues.

Should we date in high school/junior high? I vote no for a myriad of reasons. I think you all could do a lot to grow more mature in life and in faith in these formative years. You don’t understand sacrificial love and potentially will make mistakes that you will live to regret. You also will not regret spending these years dedicating them to the Lord and learning how you fit into His plan (man, mission, marriage). This will save you a ton of strife as you enter into a relationship and will clear up some issues for you as to who to date, etc.

How then should we act with the opposite sex? You should have friendships with members of the opposite sex! Check your heart as you do so, ask questions and study the Bible – in groups. These group outings will keep you all accountable, help avoid blurring iffy lines and will serve to help you make a list of “qualities” you will want in a spouse. These groups may also show you how shallow many of your unsaved friends are in their “lists.” I recall hearing Kim K’s list once upon a time and felt pity for what she upheld in a future husband. I would want a partner who loves Jesus and is willing to live according to His will for our lives together, not a six-pack or tiny nose (can’t make this stuff up, folks).

How do I take steps to overcome porn/romance novels, etc? Freedom here begins with repentance. Be willing to let God assume control of your mind and start allowing Him to help you think differently (repent means “change thinking”). Memorize Scripture that speaks to where your flesh is tempted and begin meeting with a trusted disciple-maker that will help you sort out your triggers and where God could work most in you. Get an accountability partner or five (not legalist meanie-heads – that is a technical term) and start living for Jesus together, helping each other learn repentance. Avoid the things that are no good (computer after 1am, walking to that part of the library/bookstore, your parent’s “stash” if they have one — we can deal with this issue later, come talk to me or another pastor). Learn to pray when tempted (pray for the lost – thanks Greg Speck for that idea!) and flee if you have to (like Joseph!). Download covenant eyes or xxxchurch has a ton of resources — use them!

What do I do if I screw up? Confess your sin to God (this is more for your benefit than His) and let your accountability partners know. Start reworking your day and see where it all unraveled – avoid these triggers in the future and find creative ways to avoid this evil. Let your accountability brothers and sisters know if they can help and how.

I’m too far from God now because of my sin, what do I do? Um, memorize Romans 5:8 and realize that you were never close enough for Him – He did it all. We were/are bad, always. Jesus is the only thing that can make us right. You can never do something that will be too much for Him and you can never do enough to be accepted by Him. Trust Him, He is working in you, come and join the journey!

We messed up, now what? I know the pain you are feeling and the way it feels like everything is unraveling. Come talk to one of the pastors and we will help. I can’t guarantee that your relationship will survive. However, I can guarantee that you will. Let God do the work that is necessary. At a minimum, put Him back in the rightful spot – first- and surrender to His will for you and your partner.

I think this concludes some of my thoughts for the night. Hopefully it helps a little. Ask questions below and I will answer them when I can!